Tales of School Daze

I've decided to keep a running log on my time at my new school. I had NO IDEA what I was in for and I need to share with others as a form of therapy. So here ya go world, share in my craziness that is now my "school daze".

Entry One

4/2/08

Right now I am completely sweat soaked. I dressed for being outside (35 degrees) not for the ovens they call classrooms (hotter than hell). To make matters worse, I'm toting around 35lbs of books on my back. Yeah, spinal injuries rock!
Today I feel like I must really show my age. I feel like all these kids (literally - they're all 19!!) can see straight through my Seven jeans and North Face jacket (the prefered uniform of 'the tribe'). My wrinkles and my wedding band betray me. I'm 32. Thirty-two. Trente-deux. ouch. I have no children. ouch. I must apply lotion daily to old saggy scaley parts that I never used to have. double ouch. I was just rejected in french class by two 19 year-old rich (ie-mean) girls. super hurtful ouch.
I'm really feeling the gap between who I was and who I want to be. I was an insecure pea brain who had no faith in herself. I want to be an intellegent mature woman whose competent & proficient in all she sets her mind to. What I am is an insecure "mature" (read 'old' by university standards) woman whose semi-competent at a lot of incredibly non-proficient things. sigh.
I've always struggled with the balance of trying to "fit in" and trying not to care about it. I could manage it at junior college because I could relate to the material being studied, sound smart and relate to the teachers. But here at university I feel like everyone is brilliant - but me.
I have to shake this if I'm going to get anything out of this experience. I know this new tribe can sense fear. Or maybe it's my dorky yellow backpack.