Moving Forward

In the next few months I'll be working towards re-entering the employment realm. The idea of this is both exciting and terrifying.

On the one hand, I'll be making money again. In fact, I'll be making more money than I ever have before. At my last job, my income was below poverty level - after six years with the company. Now, armed with the proper education, I can apply for jobs previously unavailable to me. Also, I've got all my years of experience in the workforce, which gives me more options for advancement sooner, rather than later.

However, all those years in survival employment scarred me. I remember countless hours of overtime, Saturday's sacrificed to achieve goals, lunches worked through to make sure the job was done. I remember working with people who refused to adhere to corporate policies and procedures and made life for the rest of us a living hell. I remember the animosity people aimed towards me as I received promotions and accolades. I remember the lack of resources to stop people from creating negative space in the work place. These environments often times created a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The idea of returning to work brings that feeling back in a flood of emotion.

Fortunately, God blessed me with a very wise and very blunt husband. He continuously reminds me that I'm not going back to those environments and to stop being a baby. I'm in possession of a different skill set that has opened up new doors, new possibilities, and new environments for me.

I'm trying to branch out more, to be a little more positive. I've even applied for jobs in South Carolina recently, hoping to achieve a literal fresh start. But this is going to be a process. I've got to change my thinking - a hard thing to do at 34 years of age. Perhaps the hardest thing about changing my life at a later stage in the game, is getting my head back into it. But hey, at least I'm willing to try.